11 WAYS WOMEN CAN CELEBRATE THEIR SEXUALITY

It seems hard to just exist these days without the need of a hashtag, hunger strike, sit in, protest and op-eds from political pundits. This is particularly true for women and especially so for women of color. If it isn’t body shaming, slut shaming, victim shaming, choice shaming or some other attack on female sexuality, then it’s some presidential candidate spewing the most incompetent, ignorant bullshit that one could ever imagine and single-handedly dragging all of humanity back 100 years.

Needless to state, it’s hard out here. While being free to express yourself in whatever expression you feel shouldn’t come at a price, it often does resulting in a generation of girls more confused about sex and gender scripts than ever and women suffering from depression at a rate of 70 percent more likely than men.

And even with a growing acceptance of sexual minorities, there is still the overarching negative cultural belief towards sexual freedom that relegates women to constantly defending their right to have agency over their bodies.

The unfortunate byproduct of a sex negative/shaming culture is that women, particularly younger women, often feel embarrassed or ashamed of having much-needed, frank conversations about their bodies with intimate partners and medical professionals. When society tells women they should hide their sexuality, remain pure and then blames women when they fall victim to sexual assault, it can make discussing sexual pleasure with intimate partners, reporting sexual health issues to doctors or disclosing instances of sexual assault to authorities a terrifying experience or one that rarely happens at all. There is a reason 68 percent of sexual assaults go unreported.

Rest assured that as we steadily march toward sexual freedom, there are ways to celebrate our sexual selves even in the context of a world that seeks to deny us.

1. Self-Appreciation

Women can’t even begin to tackle the forces against feminism until we appreciate ourselves. Appreciation is a step beyond self-acceptance. The goal isn’t to simply tolerate or accept who you are, but to be able to look at yourself, in totality, and truly embrace every single part of you. There are too many of us struggling with body image issues, sexual orientation issues, sexual behavior issues, identity issues and so on. Embrace it. Love it. Because how you express yourself is a part of who you are.

2. Self-Care

How does that self-appreciation begin? Through allowing you to take care of you. This means surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family and having the strength to let go of toxic relationships with those, who constantly use microaggressions as a passive-aggressive attack on you. It also means taking a step away from the fight for social justice at times when you feel drained of energy and frustrated by the lack of progress. Take time to enjoy life’s pleasures and the things you love to do whether it’s going on a wine tour, traveling, hiking, having sex for 12 hours or whatever suits your fancy. Many women fall into the trap of nurturing everyone else leaving no time or energy for self. Get over the guilt of not being there for everyone else. Most importantly, never stop being and doing you. The best self-care can sometimes be standing in your own truth.

3. Masturbate

Women are often conditioned to give pleasure to men while not knowing how to receive pleasure with their own bodies. Some blame this on anatomy, since our reproductive organs aren’t front and center like the penis, which allows males easier access to discover oneself during childhood. Others point to culture, which directs women away from self-pleasure. Regardless of the reason, we tend to fall behind when it comes to voicing our sexual needs and desires. Masturbation encourages exploration and helps gain a better understanding of what stimulates you. Get to know yourself.

4. Be vocal

When Nicki Minaj told Cosmopolitan that she demands that she climaxes, she had it right. We have to stop thinking of ourselves as second in the game of sexual pleasure. If your partner isn’t hitting your spots to get you where you need to be, then speak up and teach them how to get there. Make your sexual needs a priority even if it takes all night.

5. Embrace your sexual body

A necessary part of celebrating sexuality is embracing and understanding that your body is sexual regardless of its shape, size or color. Every curve, nook and cranny is sexual and deserving of pleasure. While it might serve to nourish children, support family and uplift a community, it also serves to receive pleasure and ecstasy.

6. Be vulnerable

Vulnerability is often associated with weakness when it is really demonstrating the strength is takes to be open. Being open to sexuality also means being vulnerable enough to love and be loved. It also allows the body to receive pleasure and to be present and open enough to reach orgasm. Only 57 percent of women report ever having an orgasm, and many of the issues that keep women from experiencing orgasm deal with the inability to relax the mind and body enough to be vulnerable to sexual pleasure.

7. Be bold

Stop worrying about what others think of your sexual expression, identity, and/or orientation. Be bold enough to live in your sexuality. Wear what you want, date whom you want and have as much (or as little) sex as you please. Stop apologizing for being human.

8. Get naked

My college roommate never (and I mean NEVER) wore clothes, and I hated it. I couldn’t understand why she refused to cover herself. When I asked her why, she replied, “Because I love my body, so why not?” Now, I’m not proposing that women just walk around naked all the time, but I do support that women take the time to appreciate their bodies during the time they are naked including during sex. Women need to take the opportunity to love their bodies without comparing it to others and placing undue expectations on it. The closer women get to loving their nakedness, the more women can be comfortable with talking about sexual pleasure, health, assault and other areas of sexuality.

9. Take a class or workshop

There are hundreds (maybe even thousands) of organizations, sex shops and programs that host a wide body of classes aimed at teaching positive sexuality to women. These courses often cover topics that deal with everything from communication to female orgasm. Meow University in Chicago hosts a wide variety of classes especially catered to women who want to explore their sexual curiosity. Not only do these types of classes teach about sexuality, but they also provide an environment of support from like-minded women.

10. Take a stand

Sure, you can join a cause or lead a campaign for sexual freedom, but really it is the everyday interactions that allow for teachable moments. Use these moments to educate others about female sexuality. I have conversations all the time that illustrate how wide the gender gap still is. Don’t write microagressions off as just the ignorant thought of one person, because if one person thinks that way then surely others do as well especially in the context of the culture that shapes their perspectives. Celebrate who you are and how you express your sexuality by informing others on your right to be you.

11. Be proactive about your sexual health

Healthy people tend to be more confident overall. So, it makes sense that if you have a solid grasp on your sexual health that you will also be more confident sexually. Have conversations with sexual partners about condom usage, STI testing and birth control. Discuss your sexual health with healthcare providers, and make sure you schedule necessary appointments for screenings.

Disclaimer: This list is in no way an exhaustive one. There are many, many ways that women can celebrate their sexuality, and this list is meant to inspire women to do just that.

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