KEEPING LOVE ALIVE
- Elle Nicole
- Sep 17, 2014
- 3 min read
Monogamy can be tough. With the recent Ashley Madison hack revealing its more than 37 million users, it seems that monogamy is tougher than we thought. One person, tons of temptation, bills, jobs, stress, pressure and a host of other life interruptions can drain the life blood from any healthy relationship. One argument too many coupled with less sex (or no sex), and the next thing you know, you're crying a river over yet another dating disaster. Don't worry. There is help. Relationships are not all doomed to pain and suffering.
The truth is that love is biologically experienced as a series of chemical reactions in our brains. There are things we can do to make sure those chemicals remain high, and therefore, in love. Here are a few tricks to keep your brain satisfied and your relationship happy.
Get off of the couch! - The brain responds with a flood of dopamine upon the experience of exciting, novel things. Dopamine is the chemical that is associated with pleasure, attraction and reward seeking. In order for dopamine to release, the brain needs a rush of adrenaline and norepinephrine, two chemicals responsible for the fight or flight response, increased heart rate and butterflies in the stomach. Basically, our brain needs stimulation. So, vegging out on the couch night after night won't get it. Take your partner out and try something new such as snowboarding, roller skating, white-water rafting or whatever gets your heart going.
Look in his eyes - Research indicates that prolonged eye gazing also increases the release of dopamine, which, in turn, strengthens attraction. It may be a little odd to stare at a person you argue with on a regular basis, but eye gazing for at least 2 minutes is known to improve the connection between partners.
Touch it - Yes, touch it, and "it" means everything. The sensation of human skin-to-skin contact triggers the release of another brain chemical called oxytocin, which is associated with causing the feelings of attachment. Oddly enough, oxytocin is also released during breastfeeding to increase bonding between the mother and baby. The point is that sensual touch such as massage, kissing, stroking and petting can greatly increase intimacy and emotional connection.
Be passionate - In other words, sex, sex and more sex. Yes, sexual arousal contributes to increased testosterone, the hormone responsible for sexual desire. As a result, dopamine also increases. Having regular sex can be particularly difficult in established, long-term relationships where work and kids get in the way. However, just as work and kids are a priority, so is sex. It's important, so make time for it.
Climax - Not only is sex crucial, but the end result of orgasm is equally important. The process of orgasm causes the release of attachment chemicals in both sexes. Oxytocin is released in women and vasopressin in men. These chemicals are the reason we love to cuddle after sex. Happy orgasms!
Make him explode! - For couples who are in monogamous relationships and comfortable with unprotected sex, ejaculate can be your best friend. Not only does the process of ejaculating release attachment chemicals in him, but his ejaculate contains a healthy dose of mood-boosting hormones and neurotransmitters such as dopamine, norepinephrine, testosterone, estrogen, vasopressin, oxytocin and endorphins.
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