TASTER'S DELIGHT: WHAT SHOULD A WOMAN TASTE LIKE?
- Elle Nicole
- Mar 22, 2015
- 5 min read
A few years ago Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss suggested to her co-stars that women should entice their partners into oral sex by essentially turning their vaginas into a sugary, sweet snack through placing confectioner’s sugar inside of it. This bit of advice certainly sounds like a simple way of making your genitals more edible, desirable and downright tasty. I mean really. Who doesn’t want to a make their vagina a sexual smorgasbord? Trust me. I, and I’m sure plenty would agree with me on this one, would love nothing more than for my partner to spend every waking hour with his head face down in my sugary crotch. The unfortunate reality is that the vagina is not your local grocer and should not be stocked full of sugar.
The Breakdown
The main concern in creating a tastier vagina with sugar is the issue of yeast, a type of fungus. The most common form of yeast found in the vagina and elsewhere on the body is called candida albicans. Yeast, which is naturally found in and on the body, is especially attracted to sugar particularly in warm, moist areas like the vagina. Given the perfect environment in which to thrive, and it will do just that eventually leading to the dreaded yeast infection, and probably the most wicked yeast infection you could ever imagine.
In fact, women with diabetes tend to have a greater risk of developing yeast infections due to the higher level of sugar present in their skin, bodily secretions and sweat. So, indeed, sugar is not a viable option for a tastier vagina. If you don’t mind itching, burning and a thick, cottage cheese-like discharge, then by all means proceed, but I’m guessing that most would prefer life without the constant irritation of a yeast infection.
The reality is that most foods meant to enhance the experience of oral sex should be left outside of the vagina. Many foods, such sweetening fruit, not only contain sugar, but harmful bacteria that can upset and disrupt the delicate balance of healthy bacteria and the normal pH of the vagina. A yeast and/or bacterial infection can result from the use of food including but not limited to dessert toppings, fruit, vegetables, sauces, condiments and seasonings.
Taster’s Choice
While sweeteners and condiments may seem like a great idea to make oral sex more enticing, the truth is that the vagina is actually an organ located inside a woman’s body, and it was not designed to taste like crème brulee, peach cobbler, orange sherbet, German chocolate cake, apple pie or any other dessert found at Big Momma’s house at Sunday dinner. Currently, sex researchers have yet to provide us with definitive research on the substances that can improve vaginal taste. (Side note: It might be time for my colleagues and I to give the people what they want and figure this issue out once and for all.)
Some evidence does suggest that alkaline foods such as meat and fish can disrupt the slightly acidic pH level of the vagina leading to a less pleasant odor and a bitter taste. There is also evidence that pungent seasonings and flavors such as garlic and curry can affect body odor, and thus secretions will also have a stronger odor and likely a less-than-great taste. The anecdotal evidence that claims a vegetarian diet complete with gallons of pineapple juice can turn your juices into Orange Julius has no real validity.
Even if pineapple juice and a salad bar do impact a woman’s taste, there are far too many other variables that contribute to taste such as menstrual cycle, age, hormones, medications, hygiene, birth control methods and a host of other factors (which is why researching this topic is so difficult). Pineapple juice alone would not determine taste. According to those who are self-proclaimed vagina connoisseurs, taste is largely based on a person’s particular body chemistry and can range from bitter to sweet to salty to metallic to not much of anything.
Couture Vagina
The broader issue with Burruss’ suggestion is the ultimate pressure women often feel when it comes to producing a tastier (and prettier) vagina/vulva. The bigger question is: Why do we feel that the vagina needs sugar (or other foods) in order to be made more desirable for oral sex?
The backbreaking, confidence-shattering pressure to be perfect in our ever more visible and less-private society has finally made it to our nether regions. So, now women are expected to have large breasts, a massive ass, a tiny waste small enough to require your entire rib cage to be removed, perfect skin, flawless hair and the highly coveted hairless, pink and sweet tasting vagina. Really? I mean can we live? When it is ok to just be? One would have to forgo their full-time job and abandon their children to achieve this standard of beauty. Sorry kids. Mommy has to spend the rest of her life at the plastic surgeon’s office to feel good about herself.
And the numbers prove that this intense pressure affects our sexuality now more than ever. The number of women lining up at their local plastic surgeon’s office to get labiaplasty and vaginoplasty has more than doubled in recent years. A sample of women in a study conducted by the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Texas found that more than 90 percent of the women in the study groomed their pubic hair. Vaginal rejuvenation surgeries in combination with waxing, bleaching and now stuffing full of sugar leaves a very bleak future for the vagina. Poor, poor vagina. Once the envy of all mankind, and now she is reduced to a former shell of herself paralyzed in the shadows from insurmountable insecurity and fear that others will point and laugh at her. Oh, how the mighty has fallen.
Keep It Simple
The bottom line is (and we have heard this time and time again) that the vagina – which is actually the canal inside of the body leading to the cervix – is a self-cleaning, self-preserving organ. It does not need toppings or seasonings to make it smell or appear tastier, prettier or more appealing.
The most important thing to keep in mind for the purposes of hygiene, self-confidence and taste is cleanliness. Most women feel better about their genitalia when they are healthy and clean, plain and simple. When it comes to cleaning the vulva, a very mild soap for the labia majora (the outer lips found between the thighs) is fine. However, for the various folds and crevices of the labia minora (or the inner lips), warm water will do just fine. Simply rinse well with warm water, and the vulva will do the rest of the work itself. Keep in mind that secretions, bacteria and dirt can also pile up underneath the clitoral hood. Lift the hood and rinse with warm water to clean the area.
In general, it is always best to maintain a healthy, balanced diet complete with fruits, vegetables, protein and plenty of water. A balanced diet will ensure that not only your vagina is healthy, but also the rest of your entire body. Drinking plenty of water will keep the mucus membranes of the vagina lubricated and also thin out any foul odor or taste from pungent foods.
Beyond cleanliness and healthy living, the most important aspect of sexuality (at least from my point of view) is pleasure and not taste or designer vagina. Enjoy sex in the body you were given, and allow yourself to be you.
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