7 THINGS I LEARNED FROM DATING EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE MEN

I love extremely attractive men, and I have gravitated towards them my entire life. And I’m not speaking of plain old simple attractive, but men so gorgeous that they transcend race, sexual orientation and any other discriminatory factor. You know, those men with the perfectly chiseled abs; sparkling, straight teeth; and strong, masculine facial features standing over six feet tall along with the faint smell of pure testosterone. It is no coincidence that research indicates that these same physical features are found to be universally attractive to heterosexual women as well as evolutionary indicators of strong genes, which are thought to produce healthier offspring.

The science seems to be accurate, because, more than anything, I wanted attractive children. Their father did just that passing on his strikingly good looks to each one of our three handsome sons. Thanks to those looks, I am already witnessing the benefits they routinely reap at the tender ages of 5, 3 and 9 months.

Take my oldest son’s most recent report card pickup/parent-teacher conference as prime example of their privilege. I arrived early (a very rare moment for me) to his last parent-teacher conference for the year, so I sat quietly outside his classroom door on those little chairs designed for small children, and apparently, not for adult women with ample-sized rears. Anyway, as I sat there, I could hear his teacher virtually ripping to shreds one of my son’s classmates to her father. I mean his teacher went all the way in on this poor little 5-year-old girl. She detailed every single challenge one could possibly have in preschool along with recommendations on the appropriate alternative learning methods she would need to catch up with the rest of the class.

As the father exited the classroom, little beads of sweat formed at my temples and my stomach flipped 17 times before I sat down in front of the teacher. I felt like I was getting my own report card. All of a sudden I was back in elementary school as I mentally prepared for the verbal ass whooping I was about to get. I was sure she was going to tell me my child would have to go to remedial kindergarten. I sucked in one final breath of air before she lauded my son with a barrage of compliments including how handsome he is and how I should contact a child talent agency because of his outstanding personality. She went on for 15 more minutes detailing the charm of my gorgeous child not failing to mention how he regularly calls her “beautiful.” Her only complaint was that she couldn’t keep him for another year in her class.

I was shocked. Was she speaking of the child who uses his younger brother as a punching bag? Or the kid who took permanent marker to my freshly painted walls? I began to see the privilege that comes with attractiveness. It is the same privilege their father, and other men I have observed over the years, enjoy. I think their father must be one of the few black men in America right now, who gets pulled over by a police officer with neither license nor insurance, and receives a warning and an offer to grab beers later. I’m waiting for the #crimingwhileattractive hashtag to start trending on Twitter.

Years ago, the ABC news show “20/20” reported on the term “lookism,” a word to refer to the discrimination of people based on looks, which can go right along with other “isms.” The show conducted a few experiments using two different types of people – one considered very attractive and the other rather “average” looking. In each experiment, which ranged from playing the role of a stranded driver to a job interviewee, the more attractive person ended up receiving the advantage whether it was getting help on the side of the road or a job offer.

In response to watching the same report, my father responded, “I’m surprised they didn’t actually kick the ugly people when they were down, because life tends to do that to you when you’re not cute.” So noted. If life kicks down the unattractive, then it must place on a pedestal the super gorgeous.

Here are a few things I have learned about just how high that pedestal can be especially when it comes to an attractive man:

• The opposite (and same) sex can be vicious, cruel and downright evil when in the presence of someone who brings out their carnal nature.

When a beautiful man comes into view, women (and some men) don’t give one, two or ten fucks that this same man is standing next to his wife and three kids. My partner, our three kids and I live in the same building where he works, and this does nothing to keep the overly aggressive women from virtually throwing themselves at him. The same women that smile in my and my children’s faces will invite him to their apartment behind my back. There really is no worse feeling than living in an environment where you can’t trust the people nearest to you as they secretly plot to steal your life.

If you’re dating or thinking of dating a man who attracts a lot of women (and some men), please be prepared to walk around with the “try me” face on at any given moment, because the boldness and disrespect run deep. I literally have bouts of “attractive man fatigue,” because it can be absolutely exhausting to be with someone everybody wants.

And, let’s be clear, this is not an issue of self-esteem. Anyone who decides to partner with an extremely attractive person must have a considerable level of self-esteem or the relationship is doomed from the start. This issue is more of a warning of the constant disrespect you are berated with in such relationships.

• People will say the most inappropriate things at the most inopportune times.

I can appreciate others’ compliments of my partner. However, I do not appreciate these compliments when I’m in the middle of giving birth to our eight and a half pound baby. Yes, this happened in real life. With my hands placed behind my knees in position to give birth, as I pushed and pushed with every ounce of God-given strength I had, the nurse had the gall to comment about how good looking my partner is and wanted to know where I “found” him. I seriously can’t even make this stuff up.

• People will do the most inappropriate things at the most inopportune times.

While having lunch with a rather attractive male friend, I noticed the waitress paid just a bit more attention to him than me. It must’ve been the fact that she only looked at him when asking how “we” were doing or when she only refilled his drink instead of mine as well. However, I guess she figured she wasn’t receiving the same amount of attention from him.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so she proceeds to “accidentally” pour water all over his pants. She took this obviously planned accident as an opportunity to cop cheap feels as she slowly wiped over his crotch area with napkins. (Side note: Men are not the sole perpetrators of sexual assault. Groping someone, whether male or female, without their consent is a form of sexual assault. If she had been a man seductively wiping the crotch or breast area of a woman without consent, police would have been called.)

It was like a scene out of a bad romantic comedy. I sat there and watched her as she stroked his groin and smiled in his face like I wasn’t even there. Fortunately, he and I were just friends. I hate to think of my reaction if we had been more.

• Extreme beauty compels people to drop the worst game ever.

My partner and I were at a party a few years back. While he waited at the bar trying to get the bartender’s attention, a woman approached him and said, “You’re so fine you make my mouth wet.” His reply: “Not now, I’m on my period.”

The thirst is real. Stay woke.

• Age ain’t nothin’ but a number.

Youth and sexuality are two concepts that typically go hand-in-hand. Rarely, do we as a society associate sex with the elderly, but the truth is that we are sexual beings who experience sexuality until death do we part. That being said, very attractive men bring the freak out of the 80 and over crew.

This couldn’t be truer than in the case of the young pastor and random old church ladies. My uncle, a prominent pastor of a large church who also happens to look like Shemar Moore, has unknowingly attracted more old ladies than a sale on Metamucil. I have witnessed (on more than one occasion) women well into their 80s feign a sudden illness and collapse just as he walked by in order to get his attention. It’s a sad scene when Sister Odell, one of the “mothers” of the church, falls out in the middle of service so the young, handsome pastor can come to her rescue.

Bottom line: While you may think of grandma as a sexless relic who wouldn’t dare come after your man, think again. Grandma ain’t dead, and she will resort to every cheap trick in the book.

• Extremely attractive men (and women) just don’t have to work that hard.

While it may be a hard reality to accept, the truth is extremely attractive people simply don’t have to work as hard as others. This doesn’t mean that attractive people don’t work hard; it’s just that they don’t necessarily have to try as hard as others. Actually, studies show that attractive people tend to work harder and longer due to an evolutionary sexual selection that leads people to choose more attractive people over others.

However, beautiful people do reap several benefits from their biological blessings, which often result in receiving things that other, less attractive people have to try a lot harder to get. Research indicates that attractive people are perceived as more intelligent, trustworthy, likeable, competent, persuasive and healthy. This explains why attractive people are more likely to land a job interview over a less attractive candidate.

The research proves to be valid. My partner landed the job of a lifetime to include corporate housing, free utilities, paid vacations, a company cellphone and a decent salary. He was up against several far more qualified applicants, yet he received the job offer despite lacking the required certifications, licenses and education. Sure, his charm and personality probably had something to do with it, but those characteristics seem to work in your favor when attached to a better-looking face.

• We all want to believe attractive people.

Several studies over the years have confirmed the opposite of what our mothers teach us: We judge a book by its cover. In other words, people tend to trust the beautiful more. This gives some explanation as to why attractive men, who act as womanizers, tend to get away with it more. We simply want to believe him when he says he was working late until 5:00 am or that the woman he was with is actually his cousin.

The research comes at a relief since I’m pretty sure I’ve been lied to by the men I’ve dated more times than I care to think about. It’s easy to fall prey to someone you desire, and you want those desires to be reciprocated even if it means believing a lie. I once dated an extremely attractive football player who not only told me that he did not have any children, but he took it over the top by giving me some story about an injury he suffered to his testicles that rendered him infertile. After we ended our relationship, I learned he had five kids by five different women. It doesn’t get more ridiculous than that.